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Greetings and salutations!

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Today I have a short update for you regarding the best toaster ever produced.

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For those that are new around
here, a little over a year ago I made a video

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about the Sunbeam Radiant Control toaster,

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a toaster so good that it is literally Automatic Beyond Belief!

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That video touched briefly
on what I’m going to talk about today,

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but its focus was mainly on the mechanism that
allows the bread to effortlessly fall into

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the toaster and slowly come back up with non-startling,
near-silent action,

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and without any input from the user.

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Literally all you do is put
the bread in the slot, and it does the rest.

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If you haven’t seen that video and are interested
in knowing what makes the bread go down and up

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I’d suggest you watch it first through that card
I’ve provided.

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Fun Fact!™

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If someone puts a card in a video, and you -

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Shoot! 
Missed it!

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Fear not!

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That little information icon up there will hold all of the cards that a creator has put in a video!

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Just hover over with your mouse on desktop,

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or touch in the middle of the video somewhere on your phone and it’ll be there in the top right.

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Just thought I’d let y’all know that!

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For those of you watching on a smart TV or whatever,

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well I'm sorry, but I do put links in the description, too.

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That also covers the inevitability that YouTube ditches cards in favor of some other thing some day.

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hope they don't get rid of the description...

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Anyway, today’s focus is on the thermostat.

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That is in fact the central feature of this toaster

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(well, actually the central feature
is the heating element core... )

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but I mean

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most important feature, or at least seems
to be given its name,

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as it puts the radiant and control into Radiant Control.

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These toasters, unlike modern ones, have two columns of heating elements on the sides,

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and that allows for
the thermostat’s bimetallic strip to sit

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between them and be warmed by the bread’s
surface through radiation.

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It is shielded from the central heating element by the bread itself and these little metal fins shield

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it from the side elements.

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That makes it such that it becomes warmed mostly by the bread being toasted.

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You might ask, “why do it that way?”

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Well, according to Sunbeam, this allows the toaster to toast the toast to toasted perfection every toast.

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And they’re right! Gloriously right.

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Having the thermostat react to the surface
temperature of the bread allows it to eliminate

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variables such as the temperature of the toaster
itself, the particular properties of the bread,

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or the other variable which moved me to make
this video

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- the temperature of the bread.

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This toaster is such a good and nice and wholesome
and perfect and pleasant toaster

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that it has changed my breakfast routine.

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I was never much of a toast person,

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in fact it had been years since I had toast with any regularity,

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so to me this seemed like yet another addition to my 
Too Many Small Kitchen Appliances™ catalog.

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But through the sheer delight of having my toast be prepared for me in such an automatic fashion

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that it’s practically supernatural,

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toast has become my jam!

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And jam’s what I put on toast!

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And the thing that pushed me to make this
update for you was how this handles frozen bread.

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You see, current circumstances require less
frequent shopping for groceries with

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larger amounts purchased with each outing.

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As bread has now become a thing I have regularly,

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this is somewhat problematic as bread sadly sports
somewhat short shelf life.

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If it doesn’t dry out first, you’ll need some shooting
stars to deal with the mold.

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But of course one has the option of freezing bread!

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Put something in the freezer and it lasts a long time, including bread.

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However, if you’ve ever dealt with a loaf of frozen bread, you’ll know that it kinda stinks.

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It’s hard to let it thaw without getting soggy.

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And if your goal is to toast it, well
with a conventional toaster you’re gonna

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have to adjust your toasting setting upwards quite a bit
to deal with the fact that it’s frozen.

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Maybe after a ton of experimentation you’ll
dial it in just right,

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but forget to set it back and your next fresh slice will end up in the burn ward.

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But not with the Sunbeam Radiant Control toaster!

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Watch what happens.

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This is a slice of fresh honey-wheat bread.

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I’ll put it in the toaster
and we’ll see how long it takes to toast.

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enjoy this awkward stare which I totally should not have done yet I did

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[click from toaster]

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[awkward pause]

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It’s this long!

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And now let’s take a look at what the bread looks like.

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This here is our fresh slice of bread. This
was not frozen; this is the darkness.

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I will put it on a plate so we can compare later.

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Now I’ll grab a slice of the same bread
that’s been frozen.

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See, this is quite cold

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[sound of bread being flicked by finger] 
and pretty hard.

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I have not touched the darkness control on the toaster at all - it’s exactly the same as it was for the fresh bread.

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So now I’ll put the frozen bread in the
slot, and wait.

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[unintelligible fast squeaky speech which definitely doesn't contain a directive about a certain fruit]

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[click]

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It’s done!

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So now let’s take a look at the bread.

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Would you look at that! It’s pretty much
the same exact darkness -

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[through laughter] 
in fact I can hardly tell the difference at all -

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as the fresh slice.

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Frozen…

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Fresh!

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Pretty neat!

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And it’s not just the color.

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Going quickly from frozen to toasted produces toast that  you’d be hard-pressed to know was ever frozen.

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This has given me yet another reason to love this toaster.

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Its indirect measurement of
the bread’s surface temperature means that

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it produces perfect results every time, even
if the bread was frozen.

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I say again to toaster manufacturers of the world;

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why are you making such terrible toasters?

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Occasionally y’all like to tweet at me with
certain toaster models out there like a

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Kitchen Aid model with a similar lever-less design
or some sort of elaborately over-engineered

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Japanese toaster which cost hundreds of dollars, and yet…

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this *ancient* design endures.

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It just works.

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And it’s not even the automatic bread lifting
that I really care about

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(OK that’s a lie; it’s fascinating and probably why I’m
eating toast again)

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it’s the thermostat design

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that really sets it apart.

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As we discovered in the first toaster video

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(the one about the electromagnet in your toaster)

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manufacturers have been using time-based trips
for a while,

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and they’ve even been so clever as to design temperature-compensation

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into the control circuitry to account for a just-used hot toaster.

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I’m sure that has been Cost-Optimized
Beyond Belief but this toaster shows us that

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a simple bimetallic strip manages to do an
objectively better job (if implemented correctly).

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It not only compensates for a hot toaster,
but for cold bread.

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Still, we have some pesky limitations.

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As I said in the earlier video, this toaster has fixed bread guides

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and wouldn’t be very happy
with a bagel.

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Now of course,

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you could easily modernize the toaster to include the modern squeezy-type bread guide thingies,

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but bagels in particular might still present a problem.

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If the hole
lines up with where the bimetallic strip is,

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the toaster will trip very prematurely like
it does when there’s no bread in it at all.

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But actually… well that’s the only limitation
I can think of.

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This toaster shows us that actually using the bread as a means to determine doneness

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is wildly better than just setting a timer.

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I mean, going beyond just frozen
bread, using temperature also helps account

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for things like denser breads, thinner or
thicker slices, and a whole slew of other variables.

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Why have we made time the be-all
end-all determinant for toast doneness?

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We have the technology!

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Make better toasters!

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Those little hand-held laser thermometer things
seem like a good candidate for a modern sensor.

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Just make a window through the sides where the heating elements are

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and measure the surface of the bread!

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I mean it would be even more
precise than the Sunbeam!

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It could literally be as precise as “toast until the bread
reaches 237.8 degrees” or whatever.

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Really.

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Come on.

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Doing that could help solve the problem of
using those wierd curly-Q heating elements

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on the sides.

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Surely there are small enough
sensors to just take a peek through a hole in…

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whatever material this is.

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Oh! And it
could solve the hole-in-the bagel problem, too!

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Just have a few sensors and ignore any
that go super hot right away.

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Honestly if nobody makes a reasonably-priced toaster in
the next five years that can best this literal antique

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in terms of basic toast-making ability,

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well I’ll be so perturbed as to draft a letter!

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Wait a minute.

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I smell the potential to use
the word "algorithmically."

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These exist already, don’t they?

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Probably in wildly over-engineered
form.

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And they’re “Smart,” too I bet.

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*sigh*, of course they already exist, and with various degrees of overthinking.

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Hey there, how are you supposed to toast some pumpernickel if you’re just looking at color?

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Sunbeam figured this out ages ago!

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They even wrote in the patent about
how temperature correlates to darkness.

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Oh well. I guess some knowledge just gets lost
to time.

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That’s it for this video. Literally just
an update.

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And some snark!

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To be honest this finding wasn’t super surprising.

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I just hadn’t had a reason to freeze any bread until recently.

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My first thought was “you
know, I bet the Sunbeam will just toast this perfectly”

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and I was not disappointed!

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Seriously.

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All of you making toasters.

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[gestures exasperatedly]

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Just study this one.

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I won’t even mind if you stick to the electromagnet scares-your-socks-off spring-loaded design, just…

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make it toast well without
going overboard on the smartness.

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Sunbeam proved back in the ‘40s how great a temperature-sensing toaster is.

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I think we can make one again in the 21st century.

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Add a reasonable bagel mode, modernize the
bread guides, widen the slots a bit for fancy

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loafs of bread, and you’re good.

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You’ll just need to market it properly, and you’ll have a hit on your hands.

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This is free advice,
people. I even promise to test any-such toaster

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that may make it to market for less than $50
and make a video about it.

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You don’t even need to send me one. I’ll just buy it.

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Really, you all should be absolutely embarrassed by this toaster.

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Now chop chop!

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♫ innovatively smooth jazz ♫

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You might ask…

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start the teleprompter!

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Oh ssshoot.

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UGGHH.

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Stupid…

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remember in the teleprompter video when I said “don’t use the software I use?”

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This is whyyyyy….

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[Clears throat in a really weird and almost
melodic way. It was amazing.]

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I’d suggest you watch it first through that
car(d) I’ve provided.

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Card.

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I did not provide you with a car!

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That video touched briefly on what I’m a going abadehbuh

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Just thought I’d let yaknall… knoeughblblb

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I just wrote these lines! How could I forget
them?

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I’m having too much fun with this video…

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If it doesn’t dry out… ahh, missed a word!

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If the whole lines up to… up? With. What?

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If the hole lines up to… fff

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why did I say up to again?

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Up with.

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Alright. Know anyone who makes toasters?

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It is your duty to get them to watch this video so they can be ashamed of their ineptitude.

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It sounds harsh but really.

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There are just no excuses for this.

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None at all.

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